Greetings all :o) This month, I have the VC's very own tasty Raston Warrior - look out ladies ;oD Raston is a computer admin, and also quite active in the vampire community, being an associate of the VC. For those wishing to make contact with him, he can be reached via e-mail, on raston@death-zone.org

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Silver: Greetings Raston, thank you for joining me today, and agreeing to share a bit about yourself, and how you are active within this community, with our readers :o)

Raston: (Smile )

Silver: Ok, I have several things I'd like to speak with you on, but before we go any further, let's just begin with an introduction from yourself, for those who do not yet know you.

Raston: Well, I go by Raston Warrior, a name derived from Dr. Who, "The Five Doctors". I am new to the community in the long-term, but really only because it was small. It's growing quickly now, and I'm pleased to be a part of it.

Silver: Well, we're pleased to have you as an active part of it :o)

Raston: I'm glad you think so. :-) There are a lot of opinions held about vampires gathering, even among our own kind. "We're not meant to be together" and such. I believe we're all lonely enough by nature - if we can't get together, our problems only worsen. We don't all get along, but that's along our nature, too. ;-)

Silver: Is there a way to work around that? I mean, I don't believe we were meant to be isolated and alone. That would negate the empathic side that most of us have within us.

Raston: Is there a way to work around which part?

Silver: Well you stated we're not meant to be together, and that we don't get along - surely it is not so cut and dry?

Raston: No, I said that such opinion is held by others, not by me. I think that our socialization will effectively be the same as non-vamps, but that we have a commonality that will drive us just that little bit harder to try a little bit harder. And really, I think that's all it takes.

Silver: Riiiight ok, I misread that :o) Do you feel this community really WANTS unification? Or are we all too egotistical to make such a step?

Raston: I don't think it's true egotism. Honestly I'm not certain that a lot of people who call themselves vampires know for themselves if they _really_ are or not. Being around other people forces them to learn the truth of their existence whatever that may be. We learn about ourselves by being around others - therefore, it's easier to spout out "We're not meant to be together". I believe those who are comfortable with their nature - and not just comfortable, but secure and confident - will strive to be with others like themselves. "You can tell a lot about a person by the friends they keep" - we're social animals, whether blood drinkers, or not.

Silver: How would you advise other people who seek help, but are too firmly rooted within the vampire myth or lifestyle? Or feel that possibly real vampirism MUST be like that which we see in movies, or read about in books?

Raston: It's hard to say - if they're firmly rooted within the vampire myth, then anything I say would be inconsequential. After all, I'm one voice among a library of other ideas. As to what I'd say if they asked, I'd encourage them to be more social, to talk to others, but not speak, listen - then they'll learn who they're like, who they're not like and who they don't care about if they're like at all. From there they'll learn about themselves. If they are in "the scene", so be it - they're still learning about themselves as long as they keep listening.

Silver: I think that is a good piece of advice - to listen. We learn more that way than by opening mouth, inserting foot. But as for being in "the scene", this isn't really helping to educate on what real vampirism is. It's more to me, the way you live, or choose to dress, wear your hair/makeup. It's more an individuality thing, rather than finding ways to live with the actual condition. And just for the record, what ways do you seek out what you need from others?

Raston: Well, "the scene" is both harmful and helpful - one thing's sure, you can't tell those seeking to avoid the scene, they're there in the first place because it's in their nature, somewhere. I know that's where I'm most comfortable, actually. Sometimes it annoys me, but better there than some upscale, ritzy thing. Local bookstore / coffeehouse as opposed to the sterilized Starbuck's for example. Finding ways to live with the actual condition - they really aren't so far apart. Darkness, social energy..

Silver: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! He dissed Starbucks!! AHHHHHH MAN!!! :o)

Raston: I didn't say I don't go there or love their Zebras, I'd just rather go to Paris on the Platte.. ;-)

Silver: Hehehe :o) I love Starbucks :o) Thank the gods for Starbucks, for without them, my weekly fix would still be had from Costa Coffee, whose coffee tastes like burnt pepper!! :o) Ok, anyway :o) At what point in your life did you discover you were a vampire?

Raston: As for ways I seek out what I need from others... Well, my needs are diverse. I'm an introvert, yet I've found I still have social needs (again, Paris on the Platte, local coffee house). Sexual, blood, intimate - I get those from a single individual, and if I'm not intimate with someone then I don't get them. That's all she wrote. At what point... Well, I knew I was different since the beginning of memory, and I've always been Hungry, though I didn't know for what. It finally clicked when I was 13, and then I was more comfortable, at least understanding that there must be others like me, by definition. I didn't know who and what and where others were, but I knew I wasn't completely alone. Course, there are still days I'm not so sure of that. :-)

Silver: That's a very young age. What was it like for you, going through an awakening at such a young age?

Raston: Desperately lonely, actually. The first symptom was the desire for physical intimacy, which I had at 8-10 and of course had no means of expression that young. When I lost my virginity at 13 I knew I was closer to what I needed, and when I first fed at 15, I knew what I'd been missing.

Silver: Did you ever run into another vampire along the way to sort of help you through things, help to understand what was happening to you, or was it a sole venture on your own?

Raston: I couldn't ask the girl I'd lost my virginity for her blood, too - that would have tipped it. ;-) I ran into one other sanguine in my high school. I knew to be extremely careful because she'd discovered she could get anything from anybody. She was stunningly beautiful and was quite the social engineer. I had to keep a safe distance. I was a geek, and was used to it. I intrigued her because she knew we were kindred too, and I didn't fall for her. I learned what I could, and let her go when the time came.

Silver: One person is better than no one at all, and I'm sure it must have helped make the transition a little easier. And yes, those who are more physically good to look at, seem to have their needs met rather well :o) The VC has recently begun a specialised e-list for those who are underaged in this community, but have or are currently undergoing awakening. How do you feel about this, and do you think it's a good or bad idea, and why?

Raston: YES!! Celebration. I think an underage elist is the most grand thing. Americans are sue-happy and will do just about anything to get the burden of knowledge, education and child-rearing off their shoulders. Those who are underage have no venue, but with the advent of computers they do. I believe it's imperitive to address these people.

Silver: Yes, this has been an issue for us - The VC is bound by state and federal law to NOT counsel or knowingly permit a minor to participate within its folds here, so that very effectively leaves an entire generation of very confused young individuals all on their own to attempt somehow to get on with things. Now, the new forum has no adult intervention - the members of this list are to help each other, but still, I think it is better than not having anywhere else to go.

Raston: Hmmm... There to help each other... I think the key there is to have an underage person there older than his/her years moderating. I think it must have a moderator, and someone has to know someone who's underage and can handle that responsibility. Otherwise, I think it will tailspin.

Silver: Actually, I should have explained more in depth - the list is moderated by two council members, but they don't interact with any on the list, so that there is no breaking of laws here. Did you say earlier that your main method was sanguinary, but that you have also learned to grab energies from other sources?

Raston: Good, then there won't be people just going nuts online, just getting randomly kicked and banned. ;-) Still, I think a younger elder, to coin a phrase, should be a known participant. Yes, I can feed from other sources of energy, sound, physical, pranic, etc. Nothing is like the blood, however - it's like taking a soulful feed, recharging your very being, instead of putting your tongue to an AA battery.

Silver: In that case, would you not be more along the lines of being maybe eclectic, or even adaptive?

Raston: I am highly adaptive, but there is no substitute for blood and intimate contact. I smell people, I crave the feeling of my claws down their back...Anything else is tertiary. I'm not familiar with 'eclectic' in this context?

Silver: Meaning you take your energies in a variety of ways pretty much equally.

Raston: Nope. AA as opposed to a car battery. I can take that energy, but it doesn't _feed_ me.

Silver: So it becomes more like a "sugar rush" for you, in that case?

Raston: No, it's barely even ingested. I'm trained wiccan and in reiki, I can move, manipulate, redirect energy, using it to heal and damage. Bring it within me, shove it straight to ground. There's a distinct difference, though - it's like looking in the eyes of your lover, or reading about it. I can do it, I know it - it just doesn't touch me.

Silver: It does that for alot of people, including myself. I can grab via anything, but elemental, let's say, is more like a sugar rush for me. And it doesn't tend to last long. Psi is my main way, but I also make big use of empathy feeds, just not as often as psi feeding. And occasionally, I don't mind a dose of conflict, but for that, it's like chocolate - I have to be in the mood for it.

Raston: Wide grin - I can understand that..

Silver: Ok, please explain what your current involvement is within the vampire community.

Raston: There are two communities I'm participating in, physical and virtual. There is a group in Colorado, Bloodlines International - Colorado Chapter. This isn't doing so well (as isn't Bloodlines), and the members there are either splitting into their own groups or whatnot, but I'm trying to be social in that sphere. Virtually, I participate in the Vampire Church and am an associate there. Recently my overall participation has been lessened due to events in my "day-ly" life, but I expect that to pick up again soon.

Silver: How has it helped your vampirism, by being involved in Bloodlines, and the VC?

Raston: It hasn't helped my vampirism per se, but my sense of self and the life I lead seems a little less hit-and-miss. I know what I am, I know what I do. It's good to know that there are others who feel the same.

Silver: Alright, moving on a little bit, how do you feel about houses which promote vampirism as a belief or fetish?

Raston: Being solitaire I'm not hip to that scene. Belief of what, fetish, as in sexual, and "houses" being a group of people, somehow affiliated?

Silver: Some houses/orgs out there promote blood fetishism as being real vampirism, when it is not. Some tend to think that because you drink blood, this automatically qualifies you as being a sanguinary vampire, when it does not. We know from experience, both our own and that of other people, that the need is for the dense prana within the blood, and not for the blood itself, therefore, promoting blood fetishism as true vampirism, is not correct/factual. So I wondered what your take was on that issue.

Raston: I think that it's a matter of people having a hammer and seeing all things as nails. That idea is something they're familiar with, so it's the label they choose to use. I agree that it's incorrect - Vampirism, what it is to be a vampire, is not the same as blood fetishism. Vampires can be blood fetishists (are there any sanguines who aren't? :-) ), but a blood fetishist is not a vampire. They may act like one, but the feeling inside isn't the same. I think it's a valid practice, but they shouldn't call themselves vampires, or if they do, be willing to back down quickly when it comes time for definition. I can see that "vampire" rolls off the tongue faster than "blood fetishist", but when asked they should jump at the opportunity to clarify. If they can't tell the difference...Well, they should learn it.

Silver: Indeed they should, but I am concerned that this is how the rest of society would see us - as nothing more than a bunch of people with odd sexual habits, engaging in potentially dangerous liaisons with one another..

Raston: Honestly, I'm not sure it's possible to have the rest of society see us any other way. The blood fetishists can't relate even though they're close to the source - those who simply can't go there will never (or at least rarely) be able to see it as anything other than another sexual perversion (defined as "a condition in which a preference or practice causes an inability towards "normal" function") along with rubber and leather. It takes an open mind, which I believe is just as rare as finding our Kindred overall. Is my perspective to not even try? No, I have a couple friends I trust enough to tell them what I really am, and at the time I explain it I do go into that difference. As for how to convey that to the general public, I think the first step is taking away the sexual and social dimension from the blood, which leaves people to ask "then why do it?", then they can hear the answer - "because an inner force drives them - not because he's erect, not because she's wet, because they're Hungry, inside, deeper inside than most people know exists.". Hardness and wetness comes later. ;-)

Silver: :o) Ok, let's go in a bit of a different direction now, if we could. You told me before the interview started, that you have studied martial arts for a rather long time. Would you like to tell us all something about that? And being a physical sport, what's it like as far as energy flows are concerned? Does participating in this cause more viable energies, and do you take advantage of that? You'll have to forgive me if I am wayyyy off, I fully admit, I don't know alot about this topic.

Raston: It's almost tertiary. It's alright, there actually is a relation. I know a lot of Kindred who are overweight because they're always Hungry, and nothing helps. They've turned to weed (munchies), eating whatever, drinking whatever, and it's destructive and they don't know what else to do. I have an inner drive to be stronger, healthier. Yeah, I'm hungry all the time, it's a part of my nature. My stomach gets upset when I eat just as when I don't eat, therefore, I must control my intake and do other things. It's not that I must be handsome - I wish - it's just that I have a driving force to keep pushing. On top of that I can't always feed, and I don't always have a significant other to...Excercise...with, therefore I must do something else. I hang out with a tense crowd more often than not, so it's appropriate for me to train. Regarding energy... There is a distinct relationship, I think, between healthy body and healthy mind - the energy within shows along with the energy without. Participating in training that is sensitive to energy flow (which I do), helps me keep my instinct for such... Keen, for lack of a better word.

Silver: That's very interesting. I knew there was some sort of connection there, there must be. But having very little information on it makes it difficult to form a decent question really :o) Do you find that engaging in martial arts tends to ease the "hunger" as it were, when you perhaps do not have a regular donor? I mean, because of the energy flows of this kind of training, that you tend to be surrounded by, I would have thought this would perhaps lessen it a bit, when it has been long since you last fed. Do you find this to be the case?

Raston: In fact, it makes it greater. You're in close proximity with both genders, the smell of clean sweat in the room (everyone's very particular with keeping themselves and their gear clean), moving, throwing, tossing people around and yet laughing and having a good time. When it's all said and done and I'm packing up to go home, I drive home want for another with a particular continuation of the evening in mind.

Silver: That's very interesting. I suppose I didn't realize it was so involved. And speaking of which, do you think personally, that there is anything else you/we could be doing for this community, that you/we are not currently doing? And what?

Raston: I think that addressing "minors" is of extreme importance. Let the kids squirrel around with their gothic fantasies, there are a plethora of groups for that, but it's important to have a place for people with this feeling, with this powerful, overwhelming desire, to go. Yeah, they are outcasts, but they're not alone. Other things... I think that having physically social events is important, matching names to the faces, getting out and doing something. The upcoming Cirque is a great thing, and I think should be done more often. I'm desperately hoping I'll get to go, but I'm not certain.

Silver: Cirque Du Nuit was put together in place of the yearly Endless Night Fest that is usually put on and sponsored by the Sanguinarium, but this year, they won't be holding it, so this is where Zaar and some others decided that there must be something in place, hence CDN was born. I hope you get to go - They sure went through an awful lot to get it made official. It promises to be "un bon weekend" :o) Ok, one last one, because I know you are busy..If someone who was questioning their vampirism, came to you, what advice could you offer them?

Raston: I wonder what happened to the Endless Night, why they aren't holding it? How about Eagle's Mere, that still happening? Hmmm, typing.

Silver: I believe it is because the Sanguinarium are currently fragmented, but the word is, they are trying to get it together again, but it is taking time. I don't have the details of that actually. And as for the Eagle's Mere, I have never heard of that one, I'm afraid..

Raston: Advice... Depends on how they came to me, I guess. I would prefer it be done physically so that I can get a sense of his/her energy and ask more poignant questions. If it was virtual/over email or such, I'd just listen - I'm sure the first thing they'd want to do is relate to someone they believe is like them, again, the loneliness. General advice, assuming they're genuine and have the feeling, desire, want to push, being that is Vampirism - get used to the Hunger. Yes, you're Hungry and yes it's driving you crazy, this is simply what it's like. Don't "go off", letting it control you, it's the year 2003 and we're stronger than that. Allow yourself to find a significant other, be social - be edgy if you feel that way, but don't take it out on someone if they don't deserve it. I've had more than one significant other tell me she likes me Hungry and edgy, the claws dig deeper and she likes it that way. It's who and what you are - now that you know this about your life, decide what you're going to do about it and then do it.

Silver: Great stuff :o) Well Raston, I have enjoyed speaking with you. I think you have alot to offer to this community and to those who come here seeking answers whether they are or are not vampires. Thank you again for your time and wisdom :o)

Raston: Thank you, I'm pleased you think so. You're absolutely welcome - I know you're busy too and I appreciate your pinning me down. :-)

Silver: Yes, I am glad I was finally able to do that :o) Take care :o)

Raston: Thank you, you too. Enjoy your evening.

Silver: Thanks, I will. You do the same :o)

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Silver's Final Thoughts-

With the approach of the colder season, and Christmas, there will be more intoxicating and invigorating energies flowing, and available. How will we all make use of these over this period of time? The malls will be jam packed with people in various states of mind, constantly releasing. The weather outside will present cold, crisp air, rife with positively charged energies just waiting to be grabbed up and put to good use. Imagine a grey day, no rainfall - just cold. People hurrying to get last minute bargains for their little darlings, and significant others. Red, gold, purple, and silver everywhere, from decorations to the latest in glassware and perfume bottles, to clothing and other accessories. As for me, I am going to kick back in the blessed warmth of my local Starbucks, absorbing the heat and the energy from the crowds, whilst absorbing a Christmas-flavored venti cappucino :o)

At this time, I like to do multi feeds - that is, to take energy from various sources all at once. The emotional state of people during this time is particularly noticeable and abundant, and the psi energies are simply rife, due to more condensed activity, and the elemental energies are constantly changing and have the extra little sparkling addition of frost added in, making this an enlivening adventure, energy-wise.

And speaking of emotions...Thanksgiving is on the horizon. For those who celebrate this holiday, I hope it is blessed. I hope the time spent with family and friends is memorable. This is a time of high emotion because some of us only get to see our relatives during the winter holidays. When I say "high emotion" this means it has the potential to go either way. I hope that for all of you, this particular Thanksgiving will be one to remember fondly. Blessings on you all, and upon your friends and family too.

Dark Blessings..

Silver

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