Disgusting Cuisine
Okay let's get right to the root of the problem. It's the holidays. You can cook. And the relatives invade your home in wild hoards. I was plagued by this problem for decades. Nothing seemed to help. Not the black candles on the table. Not the menacing gargoyle at the front door. Not even the not so thinly veiled threats, attempts to put them to work, or extra amounts of sizably large cutlery laid about the kitchen. Then I discovered the answer – it was in the cooking all along.
This month I am whipping up a bunch of sites that should make even strongest of stomachs take note. Ah yes, disgustingly sublime to grossly divine. This month I give you food that will drive the relatives from your table. Move over Martha and pass the Pepto.
Ummm Good Eatin’
Let's start with that ever popular form of free range game, Road Kill. These two sites, one from the east, one from the west, offer recipes for some mighty tasty pavement critters. Do note that both sites assume you will be heavily imbibed.
http://user.pa.net/~nrwing/recipes.html
Roadkill Cafe
The guys from Pennsylvania just have a way with pavement critters. Umm Possum Stew, 'good eatin'. The recipe here is plausible enough, your standard combo of can opener ready soups and veggies. But I do think I may have done without knowing that 3-day old road kill is easier to skin. Ooo, smelly. Also check out the bonus recipe for crap, oh yea, definately breakout the antacids.
http://www.silentskulls.com/Recipes.html
Silent Skulls
I gotta love the Silent Skulls for down to earth advice. Not only do they give advice as to what types of pavement pickings are best, they measure their road kill snakes in feet not cups full. Here they whoop up a mean assed batch of rattle snake chili. And the recipe listed would make a decent batch of eats. I have actually had rattle snake chili, standard chili cook-off fare in part of Texas, and all I can say is "humm tastes like chicken". Enjoy. After all they do assure you "All dishes are tasted and tested".
Gator, the Other White Meat
http://www.fl-ag.com/flckbk/exotic.htm
Fresh from Florida Cookbook
Road kill a bit too proletariat for your holiday table? Well the Agriculture Department from the state of Florida can have you eating in fine style in no time. Their exotic recipes section has selections for venison, ostrich / emus and of course Florida gators. The gator recipes are what intrigues me the most. Where else could you learn such tidbits as: "When compared to other meats, such as beef, chicken and fish, farm-raised alligator is low in fat and calories and high in protein."
Heck I say go for it and don't spare the good silver platter. After all you can fill it which such delicacies as Sauteed Alligator Medallions in Dijon Mustard Sauce. Hey with food this exotic who needs the traditional bird on the table?
Cookbook Classic
http://www.salon.com/mwt/creature_feature
Recipes from Calvin Schwabe's "Unmentionable Cuisine"
All right. No mention of disgusting cuisine would be complete with out the granddaddy of them all. Open this book, lay it on the kitchen counter, gaze wistfully at the neighbor's cat and you will have the relatives fleeing your kitchen in no time. Calvin Schwabe's "Unmentionable Cuisine (1979)" is a modern classic in fixing the disgusting. Packed with a 476 pages of everything from red ant chutney to ways to wok your dog. The site listed here gives a number of his less than typical dinner offerings. From steamed cat and chicken to deep fried horse meat there is enough to offend every pallet. This book is defiantly a weapon in the war against uninvited dinner guests. Yum.
Classic Cooking
http://www.godecookery.com/helmeted/helmeted.htm
Coqz Heaumez, A Helmeted Cock
Nothing like cooking from the good old days. The really good old days. Ahh yes medieval cooking at its finest! A few selections of historically classic cuisine and you will have cleared out the offending relatives in no time. Defiantly not dinner fare for the faint of heart. Do you wonder sometimes what mankind ate long before the microwave? Graphically laid out and translated for modern cooks and kitchens the classic cuisine here will more that give you an appreciation for the wonders of the modern age! Bon appetite.
Until next month,
LA. Judge / nodecaf
Photo Credits:
StripesOverOpossum - http://www.silentskulls.com/Recipes.html
Cockentrice is the Coqz Heaumez
http://www.godecookery.com/helmeted/helmeted.htm